Escape from Shinra HQ.
by Senn
Summary: YAY For boredom. And a disturbing imagination. I wouldn't even recommend reading this.


Tifa stared blankly up at the sky as snowflakes drifted down through the gaping hole that was once the Sector 7 plate . She stared and wondered how things would be. If her and the crew had lost to Sephiroth instead of winning. How the world would have been and may yet still become. In vain of all their efforts, the planet still faces certain peril.  
  
Even though it was only the day before, it seems like a lifetime ago that Midgar was attacked by Meteor. It was a time that Tifa would never forget... not in a million years.... even if I fell down a long flight of stairs and broke my brain on the floor and all this oozy stuff mooshed out an....  
  
  
  
  
  
Tifa : Cloud! Damnit, I was trying to write something serious!  
  
She batted his hands away from the keyboard and knocked him over backwards.  
  
Cloud : HAH! I tried to tell you that writing a novel about the game was a bad idea.  
  
Standing up from her chair Tfa pushed her laptop off the table and into the trash.  
  
Tifa : That took me all of FIVE seconds to write and now its LOST! How could you do that!?  
  
Cloud : Sorry babe, I was just trying to make a point. Now, how about me and you go back to my place and I will get this novel idea *Crap off your mind.  
  
SMACK! Tifa bolted out the door as Cloud stood dazed with an oversized handprint across his face.  
  
Tifa ran down a long corridor consisting of large gears and chains hanging from the ceiling. Screams of pain and agony could be heard in the distance and the air smelt of fire and brimstone. Finally reaching an elevator shaft she pressed the button and leaned up against the wall.  
  
Tifa : That Cloud, he hasn't been the same since he found out he was a clone. Is there no way that I can get through to him?  
  
The elevator door slid open. Before she could enter, Barret and Cid walked out. They were both dressed in clown suits and carrying large wooden mallets.  
  
Barret : Hey Tiff, this is the presidents floor isn't it?  
  
Tifa : No, that's about... fifty more floors.  
  
Cid : @$% @#$%^$# *@%$&*@#%^&*&##$%^&@&&$$#^#%^&!  
  
Barret : Thanks Tiff.  
  
The doors closed before she could enter. Feeling a little freaked out, she huddled in the corner and waited for the next elevator. After a few moments, Cloud came running down the corridor with her laptop in hand.  
  
Cloud : Sorry Tifa, I dug your computer out of the trash can though. I got most of the pizza off of it.  
  
Tifa : Thanks...  
  
She took the laptop from him and found cheese all over the screen. At least, what she hoped was cheese. Another elevator slid open and she quickly ducked inside. Cloud tried to go with her but she closed the door before he could get in.  
  
Cloud : Tifa! Waaait! Aren't you going to reward me with some...  
  
Tifa : *sighs*  
  
After what seemed like forever, the elevator stopped on the thirty-first floor and opened. She stepped out into a large circular room. Phantoms lined the walls, all making obscene guestures and yelling out in pain.  
  
Phantoms : The LIGHT! Turn out the LIGHT!  
  
Tifa: What?  
  
Phantoms : The light you fool! The only light!  
  
Tifa : What are you talking about?  
  
A large phantom approached her from the far wall.  
  
Large Phantom : Take two steps foreward.  
  
Tifa took two steps foreward and the elevator doors closed behing her, cutting off the only source of light.  
  
Large Phantom : Thank you Miss, now... if you don't mind... I'm going to enjoy eating you!  
  
Tifa : What!? NO!  
  
The phantom closed in on her, trapping her against the elevator doors. She pressed the elevator button frantically, but it wouldn't respond. Rolling up into a ball, she stared at the phantom slowly approaching. She closed her eyes.  
  
Vincent : Hold it right there!  
  
Tifa opened her eyes to see the double barrels of Vincents shot gun poking through the back of the Phantoms neck.  
  
Vincent : Another step and Shinra will be cleaning you off the walls.  
  
Tifa, realizing that bullets could not hurt the phantom, began to press the elvator button more frantically.  
  
Phantom : Muahah! Your pitiful weapons cannot hurt me.  
  
Vincent : Oh yeah? Well... we will just have to see about that!  
  
Tifa : No Vincent, Listen to him!  
  
Vincent : Quiet Tifa, I'm going to be the Hero of this Fic...not that Spikey headed loser!  
  
The phantom reached up and pulled open the elevator doors.  
  
Phantom : If I can't have you! NO ONE WILL!  
  
He pushed her down the empty elevator shaft. As she was falling she could see that the shaft was littered with bones and human shaped indentions on the walls. She tried to scream but nothing came out. Suddnely, she stopped. She looked over to see Cloud standing in an open doorway.  
  
Cloud : Hey babe.  
  
Tifa : Oh, god. Just let me fall.  
  
Cloud : No way! I saved you, now i'm going to carry you off to my cabin in the woods.  
  
She looked around to realize that she was now in the midst of a dense forrest. There was a massive abundance of birds and other woodland creatures all around, all making some kind of noise. All at the same time.  
  
Tifa : *covers her ears* Make them stop! Make them stop!  
  
After what seemed like several hours, without any rest stops, Cloud placed her on her feet in front of the door to his cabin.  
  
Cloud : Well... after you.  
  
Tifa, hesetating at the door, slowly turned the knob.  
  
Cloud : Hurry up!  
  
He pushed her through the door and she landed with a hard thump against the floor. She lay completely lifeless at Clouds feet.  
  
Cloud : Tiff? Are you okay?  
  
Cloud cupped his hands over his mouth and bent over her.  
  
Cloud : HEY! I ASKED IF YOU WERE OKAY!?  
  
A small sound from behind him made him jump and turn around. A small Moogle stood in the doorway with mouth and eyes wide open.  
  
Mog : I saw it! I saw the whole thing!  
  
Cloud : You didn't see shit! And your not going to say anything to anyone!  
  
Mog : No, I saw everything!  
  
Cloud : Oh, your dead!  
  
Cloud chased the mog out the door and off into the woods. Tifa rolled over, chuckled to herself, then picked herself up off the floor. Looking around she noticed that the cabin was completely empty except for a large wooden table in the middle of the room. Walking closer to it, she examined several strange looking scratches all across the surface.  
  
Tifa : What the hell is wrong with that guy!?  
  
Walking into a smaller room on the far wall, she saw Clouds entertainment system. A big screen T.V. with digital sourround sound. A massive stereo with more buttons than she could possibly imagine and several hundreds of Playstation games. Sitting down on the floor she turned on the power of his PS2 and took the disk out of the tray.  
  
Tifa : Hentai Manga Vol. 3? Thats it, i'm outta here.  
  
The Mog ran frantically through the woods, barely dodging each swipe of Clouds buster sword.  
  
Cloud : Run, Run. As fast as you can... but I will get you!  
  
Mog : Not on your life buddy!  
  
They entered a large opening where a massive group of Mogs were standing around worshiping a lifesize statue of Vincent Valentine.  
  
Cloud : What the hell?  
  
The Mog that he was chasing ran into the middle of the crowd and they all huddled together. Cloud just stood, gawking at the fact that they weren't worshiping a statue of him. The mogs stopped talking and all took battle formation in front of him.  
  
Mogs : We won't let you get away with ruining the heroine of this Fic!  
  
Cloud : Why are you worshiping that Loser?!  
  
Mogs : What?  
  
Cloud : Vincent! That "No personality" screwhead!  
  
The mogs all scratched their heads and looked at one another.  
  
Mogs : Well... he gave us all very nice cards at last years Christmas party.  
  
Cloud : But, I gave you Shower curtains! And the buttermilk toffees!  
  
The mogs all pursed their faces and made gagging motions.  
  
Mogs : If anything, that should be even more of a reason for us to kill you. Besides, what use are shower curtains in the middle of the forrest?!  
  
Cloud : BUT, I MADE THOSE TOFFEES MYSELF! Thats it you ungrateful heathens! Your going down!  
  
As Cloud took battle position, he didn't notice the "Knights of the Round" summon materia slip out of his pocket and roll across the ground.  
  
Cloud : Now, I will personally chop you all to pieces!  
  
Suddenly they were all engulfed by a redish glow and a Knight appeared before them.  
  
Cloud & Mogs : Oh, Shit!  
  
  
  
Tifa, now safely back on the elevator, hugged herself tightly in hopes of putting this whole horrible experience behind her. All she wanted to do now, was to go home and sleep. But, to her dismay, the elevator stopped on the tenth floor.  
  
Tifa : Great, what now?  
  
The door slid open and Yuffie entered the elevator.  
  
Yuffie : Hey Tiff, whats wrong?  
  
Tifa screams and punches her in the face. Before Yuffie can regain her balance, Tiffa pushes her out of the elevator and shuts the door. The elevator finally reached the bottom floor, but it did not stop. It kept going.  
  
All the way to Basement level Fifty-seven. The door opened and Tifa curiously stepped out into a large room. The only light in the room was eminating from a large lamp above a very large table.  
  
Tifa : Cloud!?  
  
Cloud, the moogle, and all twelve Knights of the Round were all sitting around the table playing some kind of game.  
  
Knight #5 : Go FISH! MUAHHA! Do you have any fives?  
  
Knight #11 : Yeah, yeah.  
  
Cloud : Hey Tiff, wanna join?  
  
Tiffa : No thanks, why are you playing that game for?  
  
Cloud : We...  
  
Mog : WE ARE PLA~YING TO SEE IF THESE KNIGHTS ARE GONNA KILL ME, OR THE SPIKEY HAIRED BAFFOON!  
  
Cloud : Hey, don't be so rude. Thats my girl man.  
  
Mog : Well, I feel sorry for her.  
  
Tiffa : I am NOT his girl!  
  
Knight #6 : Not according to what I saw. The two of you getting frisky in the computer room was quite entertaining.  
  
Knight #1 : Yeah, no joke.  
  
Tiffa : WHAT?! We were fighting! He completely screwed up my perfect Fan Fic!  
  
Cloud leaned against the table, smiling at all the other.  
  
Mog : And don't forget about what happened at the christmas party last year.  
  
Tiffa : What about the christmas party last year!?  
  
Mog : How the two of you were giving each other suggestive glances all night long.  
  
Tiffa : That's because he got drunk and spilled his punch all over my new shirt!  
  
Cloud : Not that you ever change your clothes anyway.  
  
Knights : O~H, ouch!  
  
The Mog doubled over the table in a laughing fit and Tifa bolted out of the room and into the next.  
  
There she saw Barret, Cid and president Rufus all standing in front of a giant vortex, wearing clown suits and covered in blood.  
  
Tiffa : What the hell is going on in here!?  
  
Barret : Uh... umm.... well.... I... uh....  
  
Cid : @#%$%&^&$#@#^$##@^*%#%^@!@$%^#!  
  
Rufus : Well, my dear. It's obvious that.... hrmm....  
  
Sephiroth walked out of the darkness. With a swipe of his sword he decapitated everyone in the room, except for Tifa. She walked over to his lifeless body to ensure he was dead. A familiar voice came from the spinning vortex.  
  
Voice : Tifa, you are not in your own universe. You are in a strange and screwed up world, where nothing makes sense.  
  
Tifa : Yeah, seriously! How did I get here?  
  
Voice : It's just another one of those strange phenominons that happened in the game. Like, where everyone else dissapeared to while Cloud was running around in towns, or on the World map.  
  
Tifa : No, wait. I can explain that... well... no... wait. I can't.  
  
Voice : See. But, there is one hope for you to cross back over to you world. You have to trust me.  
  
Tifa : What do I have to do?  
  
Voice : Just step through the vortex.  
  
Tifa thought for a moment, then made up her mind.  
  
Tifa : Well... what have I got to lose.  
  
She stepped through and everything turned black. She could feel her surroundings changing and shaping around her and before she knew it, she was lying on her back somewhere with her eyes closed. As she opened them, she jumped up. She was back in Clouds cabin. Only this time the table was replaced with a bed and soft music was playing in the background. Lit cantles littered the floor and circled around the bed.  
  
Tifa : Hello?  
  
Vincent stepped into the room wearing a long, red robe. A wine glass in each hand.  
  
Vincent : Hello my sweet. Did I keep you waiting long?  
  
Tifa : Vincent? I.. uh... what happened?  
  
Vincent : After saving you from falling down the empty elevator shaft, I carried you back here. Then after you collapsed... *caugh* through the door from exaustion, I placed you there. You've been sleeping for hours.  
  
Tifa let out a high-pitched scream that echoed loudly through the cabin and the nearby woods.  
  
Tifa : GET ME OUT OF HERE!  
  
Cloud approached Vincent from behind and ran his buster sword straight through him. Vincent collapsed, pilling the wine all over the floor.  
  
Cloud : See... I told you I was the Hero of this Fic.  
  
Tifa : Are you Cloud? I mean, MY Cloud?  
  
Cloud : Yes, of course. Who else could I be? I'm glad that I found you, I've been searching for you ever since I awoke in this crazy place.  
  
Tifa rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around him.  
  
Tifa : It really is you then.  
  
Cloud : Yeah. Oh, and... I'm really sorry about messing up your perfect Fan Fic. But, I swear, the porn was on there when I pulled it out of the trash,  
  
Tifa just stared blankly back at him. 


End file.
